Continuing Grief – March 18th, 2014

I don’t watch the news on TV but I read it on my phone. I was surprised at how sad I was after reading about the suicide of someone I had never heard of, a fashion designer named L’Wren Scott.  I first opened the link because of her unusual name. I didn’t know that she was Mick Jagger’s girlfriend. That information had no meaning. She was 49!  She had success as a designer and many famous clients. She also had a lot of debt. One can only imagine what thoughts caused her to see killing herself as the only way out.  I’m crying as I write this. How many times have I wished I could just “be done.”  I believe in God. I know my family waits for me on the other side. But sometimes everything hurts so much!

I have a picture of my parents on my desk. They are both gone and I miss them very much. I lost my husband, best friend and love of my life 5 years ago to a brain tumor, an irony considering how incredibly intelligent Willy was. I hurt because no matter how much success I have as an ADHD coach people will never know him.  They’ll never know that my strength continued after his death because of our strength together before.  I know I will never stop missing him.

Being well known doesn’t keep you from feeling incredible pain or causing pain for others when you die too young, no matter how it happens.